Been awhile, hasn't it? Blame the #$^& computer malfunctions!
WELCOME TO LEPPINGTON
far from the coastal town of Whitby is Leppington, nestling in the
purple hills of the North Yorkshire Moors. Quiet, unassuming, a
forgotten backwater yet beneath Leppington's streets terrifying
creatures stir. They are driven by ancient passion that has become
obsession. They are united in their burning hunger. They share an
unending craving. They are Nosferatu. And they have the power to drain
your will to resist. To drain it so utterly that you will cheerfully,
gladly, eagerly surrender yourself to their sharp, brutal teeth.
AND IN LEPPINGTON DEATH ISN'T ALWAYS FOREVER..
MY RATING: 4 STARS
So, when I started reading
this, I took notes with the intention of writing a review based on my
opinions as I read. Instead, it turned into a little play-by-play
commentary, which I decided to use anyway. It summed up my opinions
better than a review could. So here it is, verbatim! Spoilers ahead! And
language when I couldn't control my enthusiasm!
-Bernice seems intriguing, active with a morbid imagination
-Immediate mental correlation w/ Dracula--"Leppington, the town built on blood"
-As always w/ horror: I want to keep going just to see when it gets scary
-What is B's obsession w/ Mike Stroud?
ONE AND TWO
-Chapter structure similar to "It"...bad sign?
-David Leppington seems...arrogant? Have to wait to see what he'll do
-Skinhead punk on the train is going to get it, isn't he? At least, I hope so. He's annoying me. A lot.
-Wait...I thought fag meant something else across the pond?
-*cough* Disney World!
-Now a slaughterhouse...pretty grisly so far
-Who the flying fart is Katrina?
-Nice touch w/ slaughterhouse and sewers
-Should I start tallying use of the word "fatalistic" already?
-And "flippant" while I'm at it?
-Katrina = variation on Renfield
-I definitely like Bernice
-Electra might be twisted
-Jason Morrow is in denial
-Red felt-tip scar again...Clark has redundancy issues
-OK, make that Dracula/It crossover
-Skinhead seems to be telepathic. Boy, I wonder how this will work out?
-Definitely Dracula/It crossover
-George seems to have some hellacious longevity. Suspicious?
-George...what do you know?
-Norse gods, descendants of Thor...I need a break
-Oh Lord, now stories about magic swords. And conquering empires w/ supermen. Vampires, you mean?
-Is George setting the vamps loose? The plot thickens...
-Could be...this legend seems to point that way. You know, this isn't much like the blurb described, and it has yet to get scary
-Uh oh...watch out, Dianne
-Told you so.
-Because it's not real horror w/out an abundance of horny people getting ganked in the middle of fu-- uh, fornicating
-Bernice, I thought you were smarted than that! You NEVER go into the basement!
-And you never ever EVER open the door! Don't open the door, don't open the door, don't open the--
-Saved by the skinhead! Who'da thunk it?
-now we're getting somewhere! But still not scary, damn it!
-Still not entirely sure about David...
perhaps a hero? You know, maybe we ought to stop calling him that and
start using that stupid alias he gives everyone.
-Holy crap, I really think Jack Black might be warning them.
-Feeling sympathy for a troubled past? But he was such an asshole a few chapters ago!
-Jesus H. Christ...I know that one!
-Don't worry, Dave! They've recognized their overlord!
-Electra...what do you know?
-A guest named Matt Smith...cue Whovian enthusiasm!
-All right, Electra, what the hell do you know that you're not saying?
-Bingo! Jack's got it!
-Oh, so now we think of Katrina?
-Watch out, fella, she bites. *morbid chuckle*
-Watch out, lady, that ain't your husband.
I notice Clark has finally utilized the insidious nature of modern
vampires and he isn't skimping on blood and death...but this still ain't
-Wait, so George isn't the overlord?
-Oh, shit, he turned them loose!
-Well, if setting them loose would annihilate mankind, why the hell did you do it?
-This thing is inventive, if nothing else.
-Oh, she's having fun, Dad, don't worry.
-David Leppington is in denial.
-Electra is definitely twisted.
-Bingo! Bernice is getting there!
-Wait one damn minute! I thought this was Norse myth! What does the Middle East have to do with it?
-David is in serious denial. Electra has been in some serious denial.
you're all making progress and maybe Jack Black isn't such an asshole,
but what do you mean, you're going into the basement?!
-You know, I want David and Bernice to end up together. I really do.
-Tunnels under Leppington...and sewers under Derry!
-There's that word again, flippant. Why do you keep using it? I don't think it means what you think it means. *snicker*
-Well, if he doesn't believe after all that, he's a hell of a lot dumber than I thought he was and I give up on him.
-Hell yes! War council! Now we're talking!
-So the slaughterhouse was on purpose...I knew it!
-And here comes Hindu reincarnation. Holy shit, man, make up your mind.
-For want of a better word, for want of a better word--I tell you, this man Clark has redundancy issues.
-But he researched his names. Impressive!
-I saw the reincarnation coming, so I wonder if I can guess how all this ends...
-All right, now that made my skin crawl. About damn time, too.
-Man up, bitch! These things want to eat you!
predict either Black will turn on the others and David will have to
kill him, or that Black will turn noble and sacrifice himself. Either
way, the vampires will be destroyed somehow, and Black bites the dust.
Just my guess.
-Something big is about to happen, isn't it?
-Watch it, Bernice!
-Tom and Jerry reference. I approve.
-And George's sword is going to figure into saving the day, isn't it?
-That's how you take care of old-school vampires, you nincompoops! Good old decapitation!
-Take back everything I said about Jack Black. He's not so bad after all.
-Cocaine in Coca-Cola...coke squared!
-Ooh, Electra's smoked them! But just what the hell is going on here?
-Yes! I knew there was something about Maximilian!
-Even the name "Harker" made it in here.
-George, you old coot, what have you done now?
-Man up, bitch! They'll kill you as soon as they get the chance!
-Uh oh, it's fixing to get bloody.
-Ah, and Bernice has an epiphany!
-Oh come ON, man! Humane, my ass! You are an idiot!
-She's going to wake up, I know she is.
-Aw, shit yeah. That's the ticket!
-So...this is getting pretty bad ass.
suppose it's only fair that the American is the bad guy in a British
novel. After all, how often are the Brits the bad guys in American
movies? So long as we stay friendly outside the realm of fiction, I'm
cool with it.
-Damn. That's a good speech.
-See? Told you. Kinda sucks, though.
-Run, Forrest, run!
-Oh come on, Electra, you won't take the bait.
-Whew, close one, and I'm relieved and all, but I still think it's going to end badly.
-Uh oh. No no no no no no....
-DAAAAAAMMMMNNNN IIIIIIIIITTTTTTT! FUCK! SHIT! SON OF A BITCH!
-God, I hope I can finish this before work.
-GAAAAH, YOU BASTARD!
-YEAH! FUCK YEAH!
-Aw, man, this is going to suuuuuuuck....
-Oh, poor thing.
-OK, that was a bit cheesy for me, but it's minor.
-You know what, that was actually kinda good.
Your humble book nerd,