Crud, gotta post something... All right, how about a few jokes? Yes? No?
What the heck, let's do it.
A knight returns after a day of plundering the countryside and reports to the king. "How are we doing?" the king asks. The knight replies, "I've done as you commanded and burned the villages of your enemies to the east." "What?" the king yells. "I don't have any enemies to the east!" "Oh," says the knight. "Well, now you do."
Where does the Navy put its boats?
In the water.
Bob and Tom stumble out of a bar after having one too many. Bob tries to hail a cab while Tom heads for the subway entrance. Five minutes later, he comes back out. "Where have you been?" Bob asks. "I don't know," Tom replies, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement."
A woman has twins that swear like sailors, and nothing she does breaks them of the habit. One night, she says to her husband, "The next time those kids say a dirty word, I'm going to punch them in the mouth." Her husband says "Go ahead, dear, if you think you have to." The next morning, the kids come downstairs and she asks the first one, "What do you want for breakfast?" He thinks about it and says, "I want some f***ing pancakes." POW! She punches him right in the mouth, knocks out his front tooth, and he falls to the floor. She turns to the next twin and asks, "And what do you want for breakfast?" The second one looks at his brother bleeding on the floor, then back at his mom and says, "Well, I sure as hell don't want any f***ing pancakes!"
Yes, I'm grasping at straws here. Sorry.