Tuesday, May 15, 2012

It's War, Now, B**ches!

Yeah, sorry, there's some pumped-up profanity coming in this post...

I finally made my decision regarding which cliche I'm going for in regards to that certain Stephen King book. I'm breaking the posting pattern here to announce that I'm getting back on the horse! I'm throwing down the gauntlet! I'm bringing out the big guns and calling in the A Team!


How do I feel about all of this? I'll put it this way:

That's right, my friends, I've got my war face! I got myself a new library card today and I put a hold on a copy of It and I'm gonna kick this thing in the ass! You hear me, you sharp-taloned, balloon-carrying em-effer? It is ON! You'll be running for cover by the time I'm done with you! You're gonna wish there was enough helium in those damn balloons to float your backside to kingdom come before I beat the snot out of you! And you can't hide in the bleeping sewers anymore, 'cause Erik's down there with you and I put out an APB on you, you sorry S.O.B.! There's a Punjab-to-kill order out on you, you get me? You've been screwing with me for ten years, and it stops RIGHT NOW! POWER TO THE PEOPLE! BEHOLD THE MIGHTY ANGELS! FEARLESS WARRIOR! TO HELL WITH STEPHEN KING AND HIS PULP HORROR AND HIS STUPID BULLSH*T CLOWN!

*deep breath* Okay, calming down, now...

Oh, and for fun, I imagined what some of my favorite fictional characters would do if they met dear Pennywise:

Erik (The Phantom of the Opera) -  lock him in the torture chamber and watch the balloons explode in the heat

Lisbeth Salander (Millennium trilogy) - go crazy on him with a golf club/baseball bat

Wolverine (X-Men) - make a sarcastic comment about whose claws are more bad ass, then gut him spectacularly

Sherlock Holmes - identify exactly what sewer he's been hiding in by the mud on his shoes and how recently the balloons were inflated by how much they're tugging on the strings, then whack him with a hunting crop

Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean) - get up in his grill, poke him a bit, then blow him off entirely

Now I just hope the cover isn't too creepy...there's no way I'm backing down from this now, but it would save me the trouble of covering the cover with newspaper...and if it does get too bad, I won't forget to put it in the freezer for safekeeping! (Get it? Get it?)

(Didn't watch Friends?)

(Never mind, then.)

Wish me luck--nah, who needs luck? I'm going to battle, here! Ooh-rah!

Your pal,

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