Heard a new joke today!
A preacher buys a house on a riverbank, and the river floods one year. He's sitting on his front porch watching the water rise when two men in a boat come floating past. "Hey preacher!" they yell. "It's getting bad out here, you gotta come with us!" "No way," the preacher replies. "If the Lord wants to save me, He'll save me." The boat leaves, and two hours later the waterline has risen and the preacher has moved to the roof of his house. Another boat comes by and the men inside yell, "We mean it, preacher, it's pretty serious! You'd better come with us!" The preacher yells back, "If the Lord wants to save me, He'll save me." The second boat leaves, and an hour later the water has risen so high the preacher has to sit on his chimney. A helicopter hovers over and the men inside yell, "This is your last chance, preacher! Come with us, or you'll drown!" The preacher still doesn't move, saying, "If the Lord wants to save me, He'll save me." The helicopter leaves, and the preacher eventually drowns. Next thing he knows, he's standing at the golden gates and looking St. Peter in the eye. Peter checks his list and says, "What are you doing here, preacher? You're not supposed to be here yet." The preacher tells him, "There was a flood, and I figured if the Lord wanted to save me, He would save me." "Well, shucks, preacher," Peter says. "We sent you two boats and a helicopter!"